Doggone it, people like me

I’m writing a script about daily affirmations.  It’s called Daily Affirmations.

This is my millionth draft, and I feel like I’m stuck in a rock polisher.  I’ve been working on this script for a long time.  I’ve had several pretty good drafts, drafts that I’ve shown around to friends and colleagues, and drafts that have returned to me with a lot of encouraging feedback.  But I can’t start shooting with just pretty good.

I’ve learned a lot from my past films, and the main thing that keeps running through my head is that your shit can’t be weak.  You only hurt yourself, and your vision, when you cut corners, and while we indie filmmakers often have to do it out of necessity at times on set, we can’t do it in the script stage.  Of course, on set, things change; dialogue is rewritten, actors bring their own interpretations to the lines, and some chunks need to be excised completely.  I’ll remain flexible about my words, but I won’t feel ready to get into pre-pro until my script is as tight as possible.  Hospital corners tight.

That being said, my time is severely compromised these days.  The little writing rituals that I used to insist upon are now completely out the window.  I don’t have time to breathe deeply and settle in with my cup of coffee.  I don’t have time to find the perfect playlist, or to spend ten minutes contemplating life, the universe, and everything before I’m able to tap into those creative juices.  Instead, as soon as my kid goes down for her nap, I rush to the laptop, pound away furiously, and feel the flop sweat forming as I watch her toss and turn in the monitor.  I feel the same impending terror when I shower.

I have to constantly fight the temptation to rush into things, especially when I’m paying too much attention to what everyone else is doing.  Trying to tame that ego.  The fear of being left behind is a big one, but it’s not a good enough reason to force projects that aren’t ready.  I keep reminding myself to work hard, wait forever, and refuse to get weeded out.  Every day, I’m learning patience.

And I can now shower in three minutes flat.  That’s going on my resume.

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